Mommy and Me

Like a circus star Moms must constantly walk a tightrope. Balancing “Mom” and “Me” takes a very special kind of dexterity. Most moms, myself included, are wobbly at best. Get too far over on the “Me” end of the rope and parenting can become just another thing to check off a very long To-Do list. In today’s world there are so many things we “have” to do. So many obligations and opportunities. How can one person do it all? I may be old fashioned but I have a hard time buying into the notion of “having it all”. Mom or Dad there simply isn’t enough time in a day and something has got to give. In the balance between being a good employee, friend, mother, daughter, sister, and woman sometimes the little things can get lost. Will the have it all Moms have regrets about the moments they missed?

On the other end of the spectrum there are moms who have too much “Mom”. Yes, it’s true, there can be too much “Mom”. They are all mom, all the time. It is natural and unavoidable that when you have a baby your focus changes. Your life and who you are is changed forever. A baby takes up all your time and energy but eventually that baby grows up. You can take the time to do things for  yourself, but you forgot how. Your relationships with your spouse, friends, and self can suffer. You can become a “helicopter” parent and hover way too much. What happens to the martyr mom when the chicks have left the nest?

I’d like to say I’m well balanced. I’d also like to say I’m a size 6, both are wildly delusional.  I am one of the moms who lack a Me in a big way.  I can count the hours I spend away from the kids in a month on one hand and I have always been that way. Now that my baby is 4 years old I am committed to taking more time to just be Me. After all these years as just Mom I don’t even know who that is. I have declared 2011 my personal Summer of George. I have a huge bucket list of things I keep meaning  to do… someday. Take a cooking class, hit the gym, date night, book club, etc. etc. etc.  Everything seems to fall by the way side in the everyday world of mom-dom. Is it guilt that keeps me from scheduling that time? Fear of leaving my comfort zone? I have a built in excuse for not trying new things and having new experiences. I’m a Mom, I don’t have time/money/energy. But in the end I think the time I do spend away from my kids will be worth it. It will make me a better person which will make me a better mom. It will give me some balance so I don’t trip and fall.

The Momma Duck